International Year of the International Years
- January 1 - 1996 has murdered 1995.
- January 1 - Alan Greenspan started to make deals with the US economy.
Cancelled out,due to 1996 was an unusual leap year.
- April 1 - Booker T. Washington is born.
- April 4 - The Unabomber is arrested for crimes against tasteful nomenclature.
FOX News goes on air: "faux news/fox noise" ruins the professional level of news reporting.
God was Born!!! Repent, all ye sinners!
The Summer Olympics in Atlanta, Georgia. To have foreigners in a place filled with hicks can get interesting. Release the peace doves and rednecks with shotguns shoot them all down.
President Clinton convinces everyone to reelect him in the Democrat(ic) National Convention.
Some crazy crap happened, oh, and Halloween. Insert obscure reference to 90's culture here, maybe a joke from an old website or something. Netscape! Yeah!.. Etc.
- November 5 - Clinton reelected by a wide margin (Fox News premiered by false theories Dole will take it all). Conservative talkers pissed as hell and Bob Dole goes on his life by appearing on commercials talking about "erectile dysfunction."
- It was like 1984 all over again, but without "Big brother".
- Dahntay Butler, a New Orleans waiter, discovers the Speed of Light.
- Volkswagen introduces the Warcraft 3 at the 1996 Detroit Auto Show.
- Ringgold, GA is discovered.
- Al Gore and Al Gore alone, invents the Internet.
- Oh wait, the internet went public in 1991 and by then, nearly everyone in your block had a computer and online access (sorry...).
- Magna Qi Born.Decides to bash up all his enemies(Like the Daniels)and those who take in vain.
- July 27 - After destroying the peaceful and harmless Death Star V, Eric Robert Rudolph journeys to Atlanta to destroy the Olympics.
- August - Four men hijack the Paddington 4:15 passenger train in what later becomes known as the Great Train Robbery.
- September 17 - Eddie Izzard is found eating a rabbit.
- September 24 - Mr. and Mrs.Turnip become the first people to have sex in Hull.
- September 28 - Piano Man caught in bed with a tonic and gin. Scandal erupts and Piano Man admitted to rehab.
- October 1-20- A trio of college students go into the woods to find the Blair Witch. Blair Witch Project.
- OCTOBER 28 - Deyes High School concert tour to Holland begins. Life will never be the same again.
- November 29 - Oslo, Norway is suffering from a civil war between bus drivers and taxi drivers. 85 people killed. The police become so afraid that they escape from the city for one week, until the civil war is over.
- November 51 - Pagan villagers break into government offices worldwide and introduce on average 30 extra days a month. Later these villagers were caught and, of course, disposed of to make Soylent Green.
- If you wore a double-breasted suit, you were cool.
- "Junior" released, discusses scientific possibilities through comedy on men able to get pregnant and have babies.
- Jurassic Park III is a box office failure, unlike part I and kinda part II.
- Scientists predicted cloning is scientifically possible to revive dinosaurs, but to make men pregnant will make the GOP and churches allow abortion.
- Americans actually gave a shit about Oasis.
- And Bush too, not the presidents either.
- Windows 95, A new and last good operational system, made by Windows and unleashed onto the unspecting populace of the world.
- We miss '96! The economy was good, the world was safe and America was great.
- The second half of the '90s, the really good part.
- Summer Olympics come back to the US, Atlanta in '96 was better (and more corporate) than Los Angeles in '84.
- Better than 1984, without the Big Brother prophecy.
- An estimated 23.16 million whites already left "Old" California.
- An estimated 14.88 million Aryans founded New California (Idaho).
- Bill Clinton re-elected by a large landslide (49 states except for...does the unofficial state of Podunk count?) over Bob Dole of Kansas (Ok, that's right).
- 1996 is the best year ever and is better than anything post-1996 (1997–present).